She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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