on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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