shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
