driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
