just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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