Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
