you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
