I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
