UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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