Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
