He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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