her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize