sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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