there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
