well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
this hospital has no fireball
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
