capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
