I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
