But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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