I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So much rum. So many feels.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
