I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
