The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
two words...techno handjob
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize