and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
