I want to make a zoo with you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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