Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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