Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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