yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
