Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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