Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
