need another drink. this is the easiest way
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's no shave November. This is our time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
