im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm just crazy horny about you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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