He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
