He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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