Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
