May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I could fuck to npr.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
