remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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