Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize