That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
