I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
