I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
