You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
