It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
