How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
