Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
