Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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