I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
