I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
