is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
