The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Quick, to the slutcave!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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