Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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