Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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