I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize