Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
