Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
