I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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