this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
