She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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