Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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