I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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