I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize