She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
