Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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