Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize