I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
