Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
