He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
vagina is talking i cant
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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