He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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