why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
