Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
