I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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