We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
