I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
