Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
