Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Randomize
